Finding Her Way by Cristine Brache

 
the response was automated:

 
‘greetings customer 29786224
this is a courtesy call to remind you
of your reservation with the master
on friday january 11th
at 3:00am
please arrive 15 minutes earlier
as the master is fully booked
remember to bring your
favorite stick of deodorant
and your favorite shopping bag

 

press pound to cancel your reservation
or press zero to confirm your attendance

 

‘0’

 

‘thank you customer 29786224.
the master will send product number 172
to your reservation area in Hall C of the International Hotel
have a nice day’
 

click
 

she hung up the phone.  dragged her and her cowardly hands to the bathroom
she needed to stare at herself for a while to practice being out in public again

 

customer 29786224 was dying to become a product
it was the only value she saw left in her ambivalent existence
she cherished the idea of becoming a consumable good
to finally become marketable and sublime
to become an inactive participant of the unconscious
finally
she thought

 

after practicing her expressions for about fifteen minutes
primarily her facial expressions to simulate engagement with the taxi driver
and the doorman. she tidied up her room hoping that it would be the last time she would ever step foot in it,
hoping that she would occupy the shelves of the supermarket instead
finding her way to an owner’s house

 
she fantasized about being useful in society
she fantasized about her future owner
she fantasized of neutralising her gender, as much as her assigned object would allow

 

her body automated autopilot
navigated her to the elevator out the doors and into a taxi
as her body generated coherent sound
language
which instructed the taxi driver to take her to hall c of the international hotel

 

staring out the windows she resented all the genitals of the world
and her breath
she resented her hair and her presence on the earth
longing for objectification
and loss of will.
her will had always been such a burden

 

she never motivated herself enough to care about it

 

instead she really wanted to abstain from every single thing
to adopt an alien form
the ease of nothingness sustained
a stick of deodorant contained in tantric plastic
 
 
 
Cristine Brache is an artist and poet. Her videos have recently been screened at The Phillips Collection, the Museum of the Moving Image, and the Festival des Cinémas Différents et Expérimentaux de Paris. She recently had a solo show at Guccivuitton. She lives and works in Guangzhou, China: http://cristinebrache.info/