“The Women”
by Ashley Farmer

WOMEN FALL

Women fall for blazers. Women fall into fashion. Women fall into overtime. Women fall short. Women fall short to friends.  Women fall taller.  Women fall in love. Women fall out of love. Make women fall in love with you. Women fall in love with you. Women fall victim to love curse. (Parts of the brain are activated, including those responsible). Women fall during pregnancy. Middle aged women fall. Suburban women fall victim to scams. Women fall at home. Women fall for married men. Women fall to Florida. Women fall to Memphis.  Women fall to Washington. Women fall behind. (Don’t expect anyone to feel sorry).  Women fall on the road.  Women fall from a hotel window. Women fall into fountains. Women fall against Rocky Mountain. Women fall waterproof, windproof.  It’s simply a change in the gravity.

WOMEN BUY

Women buy more.  Women buy more. Women buy more devices. Women buy groceries. Women buy shares. Women buy a business. Women buy insights and statistics. What women buy, how they buy it, and why. Women buy homes. Women buy pepper spray, guns.  Women buy 62 pounds of clothing each year. Women buy sexier clothes when most fertile.  Women buy lifelike “reborn baby” dolls to help them mourn. Women buy traditional herbal medicines. Women buy Maseratis and Ferraris like Italian pastries. Women buy with big discounts. Women buy nail polish.  Women buy shoes. Women buy into systems.

WOMEN LOVE

Women love romance. Women love beauty. Women love babies who grow up to be kids, adults and kids again. Women love shoes? Women love shoes. Women love to shop and men don’t. Women love consignment shops. Women love chocolate? Women love chocolate.  Why do women love Italy? Women love fantasy literature. Women love mystery men. Women love vampires. Women love vampires and men don’t. Women love bastards. Women love bad boys and jerks. Women love cavemen. Women love Channing Tatum. Women love drama and test men. Why do women love sugar? Women love Viagra. Women love beer, too. Women love football, too. Women love Aston Martin.  Women love and hate sex. Women love in bed but can be too afraid to ask.  Women love a guy with a chiseled back. Muscles women love. Haircuts women love. Colognes women love. Creepy movie characters women love. Gay men straight women love. Gifts women love.  Advice women love. Women love to use. Women love having their photo taken with you. Women love, and men hate? Women love to hate Victoria’s Secret Models. Women love to hate. Women love it big.

OH WOMEN

Oh Men! Oh Women! Women oh Women! Oh women, oh men. Oh women interested in using guns. Married and lonely looking for a discreet affair. Oh women seeking men. Taxicabs hit a light. Jessie is fed up with Kelly. Forever alone, somewhat unnecessarily overburdened.  Arise oh women. Take up your flags. As a flood of wrath and hatred. Oh, women. Oh, women of Ecuador! Oh women, what to do! Buy tickets. We must go to war. A psychoanalyst is ready to marry a nice, simple girl on the morrow and is hearing his last clients today.

WOMEN SAY

Women say and men hear. To all the guys—what women say.  What women say and what they really mean. Shit women say. Stupid shit women say that men don’t get. Women say sex is “very important”. Women say no to sex. Women say no to men. Women say yes to God. Women say “I do” to prenups. Women say their marriage is richer for it.  Women say Milan man conned them out of life savings. Women say they were injured when Lions star crashed car. The craziest ways women say they were harassed.  Women say they were targeted for body scans. Three women said TSA made them strip for screening. 2 women say massage therapist assaulted them.  Women say sportswriter Conlin sexually abused them. Women say rebels raped them. Women say some rape victims should take the blame. Women say Herman Cain beat them. Women say Chris Brown can beat them up any day.  Women say they were beaten by police. Women say sheriff needs to step aside. Women say household has a gun.  Women say they want to go and not fear. Women say security violations and assaults won’t hold them back. Women say “Consider us for the country’s leadership.” Women say GOP is pro-woman. Women say no to NATO. Women say no to war. Mars explorers will include women, say experts. Women say goal more attainable. Women say goodbye to home décor.

 

Ashley Farmer writes and teaches in Long Beach, CA. Her first collection of stories is forthcoming from Tiny Hardcore Press in 2013.