Two Serious Ladies is a small online magazine to promote writing and art by women.

The magazine was created in 2012 by Lauren Spohrer, who regrets how slowly she responds to submissions.

It’s named for the 1943 short novel by Jane Bowles. The novel contains the line:

“I wanted to be a religious leader when I was young and now I just reside in my house and try not to be too unhappy.” 


Five Poemsby Gina Abelkop

Grown, No Thank You Whating maketh me feel so big a hate     Them lily-livering bitch-faced strangler women     Of a breed I am usually want to love with mine squalling pucey bosom     I love them bitch-faced babes on usual    Oh no not this time    Yes this timing is wrong     I think about it and it is like one big yellow green loogie hocked into an eye    Whose eye    Not her eye   God forbid    Don’t co-mingle our body beats      Please Act not likey a little wittle baby boot    Strap it to your thigh instead      Wear piggy pantaloon baby boots as if you were a strangler woman    Which you are    By the way You are           Yes you like strangling    I like to pinch pinch a little bit of thick thigh    Every time I say it I wheeze If only not to set mine weasley miniature eyes    If the eyes are not big you have a very ugly face   I admit to it    I live in it     Besides the point which is     Oooo this big girl hate   Sucker Bland meat, suck pig    you, um little little little! Suck you um, up like a bitty tri-tip    Lovely bun in my whacked out tram I give in to the whim of it Baby beets and bossy women I want A Fleetwood Mac t-shirt   But I want it To say “crystal visions”  and I want it to say I keep them to myself Because of course I do     I write them down I placate my mama-brain  She’s not picky She just liked to eat   after all- don’t forget- we’re of the same brick trip, you and I    We ate of similar stone Now what’s there to strap together but my harness    Your bit I am not alluding to sex    I do really mean horses   I do really mean meat I do lay down at night   I do pick a wedding dress for Margaret Flimsy silk    Looks good    I’m not seventeen I’m a sucker    A sick sucker   in love   from Dora Sharlock Presents: Ladies of the ‘80s ‘Lo, tinder and hold-- reverse the valley! Up over them big mountains     done in salt-slitted snow   breathes my town Manipulating valley, town slopped down amongst sky and farther’n sea      Where I make my living dancing for the good      great men       who manhandle our land     drawing gold from untidy gulches      Burying their children I sneak away,        lay by the river Hold sweet Anna’s hand in our shared wooden bedroom    When I tell you more     you will be unsurprised and          bidden by your good faith to        congratulate our happiness      in spite of its     propriety-dissolving      practice   Grand House Up with the land Up with the land I came into     it    and it     came to me     Mar not your song    or fruit for it Is coming in with the land    Along with     the sky I am feeling it in you      only a little bit      Get it together    Incantatorily     Go into that house     Go   On Voluptuousness, Time Travel and Lesbianism The closest you can get to being a cannibal without being jailed is eating another woman’s pussy blood. This is only cannibalism if you’re a woman (defined as feeling a feeling of “I am a Woman.”)  Only lesbians can be cannibals. “Your love is so edible to me! I eat cannibals!” sing Total Coelo. When I heard the song- the beat and then the words- I knew that it was a song for lesbians. Last night when I was in class I knew I was a lesbian because I couldn’t stop thinking, as the professor talked about Nietzche and Wagner and the pure emotive living that is music, that more than anything in the world I wanted to be getting fisted by this woman I want. Fucking was on my mind because I am reading Tales of the Lavender Menace by Karla Jay and she writes quite lustily. For example, she writes of one lover whose “favorite time of year was summer, when she wanted me to use cucumbers, zucchini, and corn on the cob as organic dildos.” Fuck the use of “purple prose” as a putdown. Flowery, too-pretty words strung together with an air of purpose, almost certainly female: bad bad bad form, ladies. Of course if you are doing bad form because you are aware it is the way you’re meant to live then you know that lavender prose (and let’s give it some justice by granting the lushly sneering jibe towards women’s work a more defined shade of color: that which marks the cannibals) is the way to go. Lavender prose can look deceptively simple if you say the words randomly but stitched together in perfect order they will immediately bloom your entirety in voluptuous, bombshell pink roses. James Baldwin is one person who somewhat recently saved my life (operating under the belief that one’s life is continuously saved throughout a lifetime). Not because of giving up but just needing a reason (which grows in you every minute) to spend days awake, and some nights too. There is a time in the middle of night with my door closed when it truly feels like 1800-something, even with my computer in front of me. I time travel in dreams which is one of the most spectacular, hysterically wonderful things that has ever happened to me.

Gina Abelkop's first book, Darling Beastlettes, is out now from Apostrophe Books. Visit her online at The Moon Stop (


Two Poemsby Diana Arterian

"He Took Her as His Wife"by Kate Zambreno